I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
