My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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