the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just had sex bonerless
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
