glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
