Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize