he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
