its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
