I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
How naked do you want me to be?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
