her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
