how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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