So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
