She is in my trunk
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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