people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
