We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
