No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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