Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize