my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
