Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
