i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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