the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
