I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
