it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
