Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
