I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
