I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
