you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
