When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
whose ass print is on the piano?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
