I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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