The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
