I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
