I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
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