im holly from the hills drunk
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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