Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
