mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
