he wants to bone in the snuggie
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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