i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize