hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
