Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
