he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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