someone owes me an orgasm
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
