Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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