i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize