Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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