i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How drunk are you?
Completed.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
