that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
