I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
