If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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