now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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