i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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