Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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