Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
