I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
