Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
