holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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