The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
