im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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