I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
