I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
