you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
