he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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