So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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