You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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