I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i think im in europe. pls send help
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
