I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
