Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
