Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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