there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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