he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
