I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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