I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
