How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
