corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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