I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
