I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
