Screwed.edu
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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