Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize