operation harelip BJ is a go
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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