Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
