Don't you send me to vm
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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