Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
FUCK WHALES
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
