Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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