I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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