Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize