Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
