I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
