Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We're too hungover to prance.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
