Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
