So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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