Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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