how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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