i was born a porn star she said
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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