I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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